A self portrait and long exposure of myself moving my head from side to side...READ ON
A self portrait and long exposure of myself moving my head from side to side in Durham, North Carolina on December 4, 2022. I was diagnosed with being on the spectrum of bipolar disorder and have been learning how to navigate my mental health through a psychiatrist and therapy.
My severe bouts of anxiety can look like pacing, racing thoughts, body shakes...READ ON
My severe bouts of anxiety can look like pacing, racing thoughts, body shakes and vomiting. I made a portrait of myself after a bout of anxiety on November 2, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina.
My anxiety symptoms includes vomiting, shakes, racing thoughts and...READ ON
My anxiety symptoms includes vomiting, shakes, racing thoughts and hyperventilation. This is a simulated portrait taken on December 6, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina.
I lie on the floor of my bathroom after vomiting and hope the anxiety passes.
A few self portraits taken on December 5th, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina....READ ON
A few self portraits taken on December 5th, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina. My anxiety symptoms include racing thoughts and makes me feel like I can't focus on just one moment in time. This can make me start to hyperventilate, pace uncontrollably, shake, and even vomit out of sheer panic. These panic attacks can last for hours and have plagued me since I was in the 4th grade.
A self portrait in my room on December 4, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina....READ ON
A self portrait in my room on December 4, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina. After the bouts of anxiety and depression there are moments of levity where I feel like the unnecessary dread of the moment has passed and it just seems comical.
My journal lies open next to the different medications I have been prescribed...READ ON
My journal lies open next to the different medications I have been prescribed in my room on November 2, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina.
I take abilify to help with my anxiety and depression November 2, 2022 in...READ ON
I take abilify to help with my anxiety and depression November 2, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina. Abilify is a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic, but I have also tried hydrocyzine, propanalol, and mirtazipine and lamotrigine.
A self portrait of what it feels like when I can't get ahold of my own...READ ON
A self portrait of what it feels like when I can't get ahold of my own mind taken on December 5th, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina. My anxiety can keep me from sleeping for days or if I am in a depressive mood I can sleep for hours. The ups and downs feel like a shaky rollercoaster I can't seem to get off of.
A portrait of myself mimicking a photograph of my grandmother Yvette Schulman...READ ON
A portrait of myself mimicking a photograph of my grandmother Yvette Schulman on December 5, 2022 in Durham, North Carolina. My grandmother was never formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder but many people close to her believed she may have also suffered from the same mental health disease.
My name is Alex M Sanchez but professionally I go by Alex Mousan. I am 30 years old and was diagnosed with being on the spectrum of bipolar personality disorder in August 2022. Bipolar personality disorder is not only the standard manic and depressive episodes, for me it looks like severe bouts of anxiety and severe lows. As I begin to navigate the complexities of my mental health I decided to use my camera to document the various symptoms, depicting everything from racing thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety induced vomiting, to not sleeping for days, pacing etc. These symptoms have brought me to seek psychiatric help and I have been experimenting with different prescribed medications to stabilize myself trying everything from SSRI’s to antipsychotics.
This body of work is a love letter to myself to give grace to my ever changing body as I continue to understand it in all of its imperfections and complexities. The final image in this series is a portrait of myself next to my grandmother some 80 years apart. My family told me she was thought to have had BPD but was never diagnosed as women were rarely able to receive those kinds of diagnoses when she was alive. Attempting to emulate her in this image was difficult and I spent many hours trying to embody her relaxed confidence. It was a wonderful experience exploring my own mental state and documenting a part of my life that I am just learning to accept, understand and eventually embrace.
Alex Mousan
Alex Mousan is a documentary travel photographer. Her ability to engage with people from all around the globe makes her work unique and intimate. She is interested in covering conflict, culture and social change.